Ok I started this as a draft and deleted it a while back so I'm going back to it. You know how people or things give people signals about something? For example, body language can tell us if a person is bored, tired, upset, happy or what their mood is. Other signals suggest that it's time to move on or do something else. Many people can read signals and I admire it for them.
The problem with me, is that I can't read signals. No seriously, I can't read signals around people like if it's time to back off, or go somewhere with them. If you ask me are you going to go with me to a Con or to this booth or even but do it in a normal kind of way it will take me a couple of minutes if that for me to pick it up. I can't read signals very well and if guys are hitting on me, sorry no offense I couldn't tell if you were hitting on me or not. Seriously, guys have tried to hit on me a lot lately and I think I turn them off because I don't know how to respond. It could be because, I've always been shy or not very sociable, I did have one relationship and the guy pulled an Anakin Skywalker/Vader on me and broke my heart. It's been ages since I've been in the game ,and I want to get back in the game, I'm just very very scared to. However, there is another part of me that says I can get along just fine without a significant other. Then again, no one should ever be lonely...I can't interpret the signals that my heart is giving me but I guess even though I say I can get along just fine without someone in my life, I am very lonely and afraid to take the risk again but I want the risk. Sorry, again reading that sentence, you can tell that's mixed signals because I don't know how to confront my feelings on the matter of a significant other. I want to be happy, I just don't know how.
I think one clear signal I did pick up and I hate it because it makes me feel very uncomfortable is that I shouldn't costume Luke. I'm not sure why, I'm not sure if the person who made that slight comment meant it in the way that they did but for whatever reason it's bothered me the past few weeks. Whereas most costumers shrug it off, because of my lack of signal reading I can't shrug it off, I hold it against people or I brood for a long time. It sparked off the comment that I posted in Facebook the other night that I was thinking of giving up costuming and resuming a "normal" life. Though what is normal? I could go off on a whole nother tanget but I will behave and yes for those of you who are going to bombard my FB with who is saying this stuff? I will say this, I am going to keep doing Luke because one of my best friends has done an excellent job on him and I love being my imaginary friend!!
I mean seriously, if you say that I suck as a costumer, or something that is meant to be taken one way but I take it another I will brood for a long time over it thinking that there is something wrong with me. I really can't read signals well so if you meant something you may have to clarify, especially if it's a signal. So don't feel bad, it's not you...it's me.
Again, if you are trying to say something to me and I don't get it. Don't get mad with me, it's just that I can't read your signals.
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