Overcoming Stigmas

Hello Blog,

It's been a long time since I've done a written blog and a lot has happened since I last did my written blog.  First and foremost, I took a big step into a much larger costuming world.  I went down to DragonCon after LibrariCon this year and had a blast.  I wore Luke and Padme, mainly and Sunday morning I wore my custom companion from Doctor Who that I've roleplayed online for a few years now.  I had a blast and for me one day is just fine though I keep dreaming about going back someday.  I'm not sure if it's going to be 2014 or 2015 but we'll see.  I was overwhelmed at DragonCon and yeah I saw a lot of things and people, different costumes and hung out with familiar faces.  The bad thing is that at the time Heroes of Cosplay was going on at the time or airing at the time and coming across from the Marriot to the Hilton, I did see YaYa Han, one of the elite cosplayers going to and from. I wanted to chew her out because it's her attitude and yes I know some of that was editing that makes costumers like me want to leave all together and yeah I will admit over the past few months I've been down and out feeling like I should leave costuming all together because I'm not good enough.  

I've also done a few other events such as Crystal Coast Con and a few symphony events as the guard since it's been requested.  I also did Star Wars Reads Day and though I had fun at all, I still don't feel comfortable in my shell as Luke or Padme' because of my body type and shape.  I guess I've never felt the same about Luke since one other Luke in the legion said I shouldn't do him because I'm a girl and for girls he should be a con only costume.  You can really tell I'm not comfortable in Luke because I have a lot of DERP photos of me with the lightsaber.  Maybe one day I'll feel confident enough not to do the DERP photos.

*sighs*  Guess it's back to the lonely girl on the swing because I can't play with the cool kids.  Luke was recently redone because of the weight loss and a few other issues with him and now I've gotten some great pictures in Luke 2.0 from today's NC Comic Con but still ever since I was told that I shouldn't do Luke I'm very hesitant to submit mine to the Rebel Legion for approval.  The bad thing is that if I never submit then he is a Comic Con only costume and I can't hang with my RL friends or 501st friends officially.  Also, I'm proving the skeptics right that girls can't cosplay guys because of the fact they are girls.  People say I hide my body well under Luke but it's the doubting and the issues that I have with myself that prevent me from submitting him.   

Oh well.....I'll brood on this for a few days and chew it over before I submit.  

We have a Twelve!!

Doctor Who.

That show has been around for 50 years, with it's 50th Anniversary about to be celebrated this year in November.  I can't wait but also I am a fan having gotten into it back in 2008 with my roommate at the time watching David Tennant's 3rd Season run.  Granted, Tennant was good but Eccelston was much better even though he only had one season.  

After being exposed to Doctor Who, I wanted more and to tell you the truth I'm glad that Cornelia exposed me to it because I became aware of the other incarnations of the Doctor.  I went further back into the Eighth, and back and back further and further.  Now granted, when I first saw Eight I was like oh this guy is terrible, that was till another friend introduced me to the BFA (Big Finish Audios) or Audio Dramas as I like to call them.  I love Eight and I love Seven as my classic Doctors.  

What appeals to me about Doctor Who is the constant change with the different regenerations of the Doctor.  The show is all about change and yes, it deals with aliens, monsters things that go bump in the night and of course our lonely Timelord traveling in his little blue box.  Of course depending on his mood or the situation he has an assistant or a companion that travels with him.  Sometimes it's only one, or sometimes it's several companions as we've seen in the recent series of Five, Six and Seven.    

Theoretically, the fans say that as the Doctor gets closer to his final regeneration he gets younger.   I'm so glad that the theory went out the window with Peter Capaldi's casting as the Twelfth Incarnation of the Doctor.  I'm happy because I enjoyed his time in "Fires of Pompeii" and I've heard some good things about him being the time lord.  Yes, he is older like Eccelston, Tennant and McGann but still, I think he'll have that Charisma, that spark and that old-time feel of Doctor Who that the older fans want.  I am excited to see what he has to offer as The Doctor.  Who knows? We might even get some audios from him for BFA's when his tenure is done.

Matt Smith as well as his predecessors have all done a Fantastic Job as The Doctor and I wish Matt well in his future endeavors as well as all of those involved in the series.  Godspeed Matt and Hello Peter!!

-Jane

Signals? What signals?

Ok I started this as a draft and deleted it a while back so I'm going back to it.  You know how people or things give people signals about something?  For example, body language can tell us if a person is bored, tired, upset, happy or what their mood is.  Other signals suggest that it's time to move on or do something else.  Many people can read signals and I admire it for them.

The problem with me, is that I can't read signals.  No seriously, I can't read signals around people like if it's time to back off, or go somewhere with them.  If you ask me are you going to go with me to a Con or to this booth or even but do it in a normal kind of way it will take me a couple of minutes if that for me to pick it up.  I can't read signals very well and if guys are hitting on me, sorry no offense I couldn't tell if you were hitting on me or not.  Seriously, guys have tried to hit on me a lot lately and I think I turn them off because I don't know how to respond.  It could be because, I've always been shy or not very sociable, I did have one relationship and the guy pulled an Anakin Skywalker/Vader on me and broke my heart.  It's been ages since I've been in the game ,and I want to get back in the game, I'm just very very scared to.  However, there is another part of me that says I can get along just fine without a significant other.  Then again, no one should ever be lonely...I can't interpret the signals that my heart is giving me but I guess even though I say I can get along just fine without someone in my life, I am very lonely and afraid to take the risk again but I want the risk.  Sorry, again reading that sentence, you can tell that's mixed signals because I don't know how to confront my feelings on the matter of a significant other.  I want to be happy, I just don't know how.

I think one clear signal I did pick up and I hate it because it makes me feel very uncomfortable is that I shouldn't costume Luke.  I'm not sure why, I'm not sure if the person who made that slight comment meant it in the way that they did but for whatever reason it's bothered me the past few weeks.  Whereas most costumers shrug it off, because of my lack of signal reading I can't shrug it off, I hold it against people or I brood for a long time.  It sparked off the comment that I posted in Facebook the other night that I was thinking of giving up costuming and resuming a "normal" life.  Though what is normal?  I could go off on a whole nother tanget but I will behave and yes for those of you who are going to bombard my FB with who is saying this stuff?  I will say this, I am going to keep doing Luke because one of my best friends has done an excellent job on him and I love being my imaginary friend!!

I mean seriously, if you say that I suck as a costumer, or something that is meant to be taken one way but I take it another I will brood for a long time over it thinking that there is something wrong with me.  I really can't read signals well so if you meant something you may have to clarify, especially if it's a signal.  So don't feel bad, it's not you...it's me.

Again, if you are trying to say something to me and I don't get it.  Don't get mad with me, it's just that I can't read your signals.

Please Play Nice!!!

I've seen a very disturbing trend lately, or maybe it's been going on for a while and I've been blind to it but lately I've been seeing a lot of "Look at me I am the best of the best and I want attention" posts.  I've seen most of these on Facebook in my feeds, friends, private or personal even though I have tried to screen them out I'm just getting sick of them.

Recently, I saw a feed for a show about Cosplayers and of course it's the best of the best cosplayers/costuming but I don't need to see it advertised 20 different times in my feed.  I don't need to see the perfect bodied female geek plastered all over my wall.  Furthermore, the feeds that I've seen lately are more of the scantily clad cosplayers or the cosplaying show that shows only the best of the best with the perfect body and the perfect costume.  Yes, there is a point that you should be proud of your costume, you or your seamstress/builder should be proud of the hard work that has been put into making your Geek dreams come true, but you should not brag you're the best.

In my view, bragging that you have the supreme god of god costumes, or the epic costume of the con means that you really don't care about having fun, but rather running around and making everyone feel insecure, or showing off what a pompous jerk you are.  Granted, there are a lot of costumes that I admire, but I really dislike people at cons that brag that they are the brightest and best.  If I like your costume, I'll say it but if you say that "I'm the only one that can wear this costume" then you and I will have a problem.

******

I say this because there are some people that have contacted me in private about me being Luke or Padme'. Some have said that I'm too fat for either, some say that because I'm a girl that I can't do Luke or they've just been really nasty to me.  I will say this to them "BITE ME!!!"  I love being Luke and I love being Padme' and besides Padme is pregnant in Episode III with both Luke and Leia so I can use my weight to my advantage for that costume.  Luke has been a dream since I was a little girl and just because I'm not 150 pounds  yet doesn't mean I'm not going to costume him.  I've got a very special request to do Luke and yes, we are still working on him to get him right for the RL judges but I tell you I enjoy the costume and I will be wearing him as long as my body can endure it, and as long as people want him.

The point of this blog that I'm trying make is that bragging about your costume is ok as long as it doesn't affect other people's fun or demeans them.  If you say "You can't costume that" you are being a jerk and unprofessional and not representing the character you are trying to portray. Furthermore, it's ok to costume as any character you want, but be thankful when people ask for photos with you...always say thank you, always be polite to each other.  In other words...Play Nice!!!


One other area that I want to touch on is please if you are going to use photos ask the person you are borrowing from if you can use those photos.  I've had a few of my friends who have had their photos plastered all over the internet when they didn't want them to.  I know a rule that I follow is that if my parents wouldn't approve of it it doesn't go up on Facebook.  Yes, I have silly costume photos of Padme, Luke and the Guard on Facebook, but I make sure that those silly photos are not used against me.  If I borrow photos or share them, or blog about them I try to give them credit or the photographer the credit.  However, I'm getting really tired of seeing photos of my friends being used without permission or asking first.  I try to ask people before borrowing and yes if I post a YouTube video then I try to give credit where credit is due.

Also, I know I know, if the person posted it they should know the risks of posting such photos on the internet.  Maybe, they wanted to share their costume with the rest of the costuming world or the groups they are in.  Yes, they are aware that said costumes can get them in trouble with work or other interests, but have the decency to ask them first before taking their photo.

That's all I ask people.

-Jane

Man of Steel. Not Impressed.

I went and saw Man of Steel finally this weekend and let me just say this.  Not impressed.

Perhaps, it was the fact that I loved the Christopher Reeve movies or missed the John Williams music.  It could've been the whole I'm a big Supes fan and that I want this to be a homage and make my favorite DC hero look good.  No.  It was all action, no plot.  

Seriously, there were parts that I liked such as the birth scene and making Krypton seem more alien than what it was in the 1978 movie.  I also loved Lara's launch dress and Russell Crowe did a decent job of portraying Jor-El.  However, the movie seemed to be in so many parts disjointed.  I liked the fact that we got to see Clark growing up but I'd rather have that part at the front of the movie and continuously flowing like it did in the Donner movies.  

There was also so many transitions between scenes that one moment you're seeing one thing and then 5 seconds later you are moving onto something else.   Also, when they had Clark trying to fly for the first time I just had to laugh, it looked to cartoony to be realistic and the CG wasn't screaming Superman to me. During Lois's first scenes I thought, hmm maybe she wasn't going to be the damsel in distress Lois or the annoying Lois...again I was dissappointed.   I do like Lawrence Fishbourne's portrayal of Perry White it was interesting to say the least and he seemed to be a good fit.  Also, Kevin Costner's portrayal of Jonathan Kent was ok, it was ok not great, but just ok.  

What really disturbed me though were the overwhelming amount of action scenes.  Sure, you had the throw down between Clark and the baddies but the overwhelming destruction of Metropolis and Smallville was just too much.  "Just in case, we didn't mess up Smallville enough or Metropolis, let's mess it up some more!!"  Not only that, there was some tasteless destruction and I could've sworn I saw a few scenes that were reminiscent of 9/11.  It wasn't tastefully done and really it was too much for one movie.   

What really got me was the one thing Clark did that angered me.   If you don't want to be spoiled turn your head.   He snapped Zod's neck which to me is the one thing that is so unlike Superman to me that it just unthinkable!! 

*****

Granted, I've never read the comics and maybe Supes does something like this but I just feel Man of Steel was not Superman.  It didn't speak to me like the other movies have in the past and it's sad that I think that way but I will not call this movie Superman.  It didn't feel like it, didn't act like it and as a Superman fan, I was sorely dissappointed.

A long long time ago in a Raleigh far away (Wierd Al concert)

That was totally wicked!!!

The 501st was once again invited to be up on stage during Al's encore of The Saga Begins and of course the call for troops was put out.   Granted,  I didn't get to troop in costume because they didn't want guards (we are low on the totem pole of trooping) but I did get to help wrangle and take pictures for our guys that were trooping this event.

The fun part besides helping the guys suit up and troop was getting to hear his music live.  Granted, I know he writes parodies but they were funny.  I was hoping to hear two of my favorite songs besides The Saga Begins,  Amish Paradise and Ebay.  Al, delivered and his show made me laugh which is something that I need these days since I've been dealing with a lot in my life.  Not to mention feelings for guys which they have started to notice me since surgery.  Anyways, back on topic.

So being a 501st member,  I was able to wrangle for our group backstage which they did rehearse for their small part in Saga Begins.  I was so happy to help out and watch them rehearse backstage along with Gene's wife Dee and his oldest daughter.  I have some great pictures of them rehearsing in our small but hot dressing room and yes, Gene did stand in for Al during the rehearsals which got me laughing.  Granted, people said I didn't look happy to be wrangling but I was!! I have that silent but deadly look about me and yes though I didn't get to troop in the guard I was guarding my troops!!!

So we got to watch some of the show from the side but because of Fire Codes we were asked to either go have a seat or go somewhere else.  We went back to the dressing room and about an hour into the show everyone suited up.  This is where wranglers play a vital role since TK's can't bend over, Boba, or other characters so if they needed shin guards, I got them, if they needed me to adjust neck seals, put on back plates, backpacks and other things.  We even had a missing trooper so out into the crowd I went to go to look for him and he made it in time to be on stage with the others.  Before they went on stage I really got a great shot of the guys backstage about to go on before I found my way up to the balcony at that point Al performed Amish Paradise and I enjoyed every single second of it.


Finally, after a few more songs the guys came on stage with Chewie, we had troopers, Vader, Chewie and Boba and they were a hit.  I was cheering for Al but I was also cheering for our guys and though I got some shots of them on stage, they weren't that great.  Anyways, they were a hit on stage with Al and I loved watching our troops on stage with Weird Al doing their trooping thing as I call it.

After Saga Begins they went to the lobby where they took pictures and they looked great.  I'll have to come back and edit this post when my photobucket will be cooperative and I can finish uploading the rest of the pictures.  When we got back to the dressing room and suited down Al and his manager came to thank us and we got autographs and pictures with him.

Overall, this event was one of my favorites even if I didn't get to troop it!!

-Jane

Jedi Training

For those of you that may not be aware or haven't heard because you've joined my friends list or something like that.  I am a lapband patient meaning at one time I was morbidly obese.  I'm not going to lie, it sucked I mean it really sucked not being able to move, no mobility or limited mobility and an unquenchable appetite.  It didn't happen overnight, the obesity that is, it happened over several years.  Meaning that, I had an emotional void so I filled that void with food and then when I felt guilty, I ate more and more causing my weight to balloon to a whopping 320 pounds at my heaviest.  I didn't have many friends and I was a loner because like most people who are overweight, I was very self conscious and wanted to hide myself from the world.

However, I realized that I was missing out relationships, going out, buying clothes, getting makeup done, not going to Cons and hanging out with my friends or branching out into other costuming areas other than Star Wars.  Yes, 10 years ago I bought my first Royal Guard and the purpose of that was because I wanted to hide my weight while still showing I was a Star Wars fan.  Up until three years ago I learned to live with my heaviest, no hope, no chance of having a relationship, I might as well live in a closet because I hated myself so much that if Palpatine himself was courting another apprentice or a Dark Jedi I would have said where do I sign though probably because I was so fat, he would've declined.   

Then my world parted and I pursued WLS or Weight Loss Surgery.  I had never considered surgery of that type because my Uncle Phil, who recently passed had the Gastric and I was scared.  In addition, to the Gastric I had heard stories that should I ever get into a relationship, I would have severe complications with the pregnancy so I decided on the lapband.  I met my surgeon in the spring of 2011 and on June 29, 2011 after meeting all requirements and the liquid 2 week diet, I had my surgery done.  I lost about 60 pounds easily and continued to shed another 90 after that.  

However, I've hit a plateau and rock bottom I know I gained at least 20 back this past year because of stress at work and haven't gone for the fills as I should have but now I'm back on track working out walking 5 miles a day and considering that my Jedi training.  Yeah yeah fanboys I know Luke was well on his way to becoming a Jedi in ROTJ but my point is that this weight loss fight can not be fought on it's own with just food restriction, you need exercise.  

This summer my plan is to walk the 2.5 miles around my Parents subdivision in the morning, 2.5 at night, and then swim, then bike the 2.5 miles.  I know my body is going to go through hell but I'm willing to sacrifice to the demons to become an Angel.  

I am heading to my surgeon on Monday for a fill and I know I'm gonna get lectured...boy am I going to get lectured but at least I know that my problems stem from emotional ones and physical stresses.  However, I am continuing the fight against that and my goal is to get down to a size 12 by the end of summer.  I can live with a size 12....I can't live with a size 16 which I'm currently at right now.   So yes, I am about to go on another mile walk my second for today but I am going to win this fight.

******

Edit at 2:16 so far today I've walked four miles, getting ready to walk again in a bit.  I never did tell you my workout music.  Surprisingly, I listen to the Rocky IV soundtrack minus a few songs that just don't cut it for me because they aren't workout but mostly everything from Burning Heart to Hearts on Fire to Eye of the Tiger, No Easy Way Out and Sweetest Victory are the songs that I have on repeat when I walk. Who says girls can't listen to that soundtrack and it's one of my favorite movies!   Also, I listen to Pink's "Try" which is an anthem for me because I fell down this year in terms of my WL but I'm getting right back and fighting back.  My goal is to have Dark Phoenix ready by HeroesCon 2014 if I'm not working part-time to pay off Student Loan debts.

Keep walking!!

-Jane