Being a geek is a beautiful thing.

I had a revelation this week while trooping the Carolina Gamer's Summit this weekend.  As I stood there watching the various gaming geeks go to and from the exhibitors booths, to their tournaments.  I noticed that they were all smiling and having a good time.  Talking about the anticipated releases of the next big gaming console, their late night conquests online or the various costuming groups that were there.  The 501st was there as well as Chad from Blue Ridge Base of the Rebel Legion and even as I stood there in Padme once again, I realized that....being a geek is a beautiful thing.

Not only that, once you are among your kind you are beautiful and if you know anything about me, it took me a long long time and even that moment at the Gamer's Summit where I realized that being a geek was beautiful but also that there is an inner beauty to myself that I have never seen.  As I was in the women's room adjusting the wig I looked into the mirror and saw not just Padme' and me in the Padme' costume, I saw the geek and the true me looking back.  For twenty nine years, I failed to recognize that I was beautiful, always attributing that I was ugly because of my weight and that being a geek was so abnormal that I should've been locked up.  I don't know what it was, maybe it was the surgery or maybe that I was so enthralled in the moment that I finally realized that the inner beauty is starting to come out.  Something that I denied or failed to see but has started to blossom at last.

Being a geek and a female geek is a beautiful thing.  Sure, the stereotype is that you have to be a female sexy geek to be noticed.  However, as most of you know I'm not sexy, I'm modest and I do get noticed but for being a geek.  I even got recognized three times this weekend at the Gamers Summit and two hugs from other costumers, plus compliments on Padme'.  I was very very happy and it felt good to be recognized.  In addition, when you are in a crowd of your peers and fellow geeks, everyone is focused on one thing, the fandom.  Though there are some instances where fandom can lead to passionate fights among fans who disagree on a plot, character or something related to the fandom.  

Female geeks don't have to be sexy to beautiful, they just need to be themselves and that is something I am finally realizing after all these years.

*****

This weekend I'll be hosting a panel on Female Geeks and Cosplayers at the 105th MiniCon and a lot of the things that I've discussed in the previous blogs will also be brought to the front.  Also, my friend Kenya will be contributing with being female, African American and a costuming geek.  In addition, I'll be bringing up what it means to be female, a geek and how the world views us.

Wish me luck this is the first panel I have ever contributed to and hosted so hopefully it'll go well.